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Wednesday, July 27, 2011

My Nerve Jangling, Door Busting Arrival of Mercury in Retrograde

It was about 5:30 Tuesday afternoon. Elizabeth had just poured me a glass of wine and was snagging herself an artichoke to snack on while we were watching the season premier of Warehouse 13 on my DVR. She opened the refrigerator to grab the pitcher of water (see Tuesday's post) and —*C*R*A*S*H!!!!!*—...the refrigerator door came OFF in her hand. All the bottles and jars stored in the door slammed to the tile floor in a crescendo of chaos and shattering glass. As my mom would say, it certainly "jangled our nerve endings!"

Elizabeth had the presence of mind to freeze. She was, of course, barefoot, as was I. Furthermore, she also had the presence of mind to NOT let go of the door itself, even as pieces of shelving fell at her feet and continued to fall. I grabbed her shoes first, handed her one at a time - and of course, my phone rang before I could hand her the second shoe. Of course.

I turned and grabbed the phone and my shoes and got back to hand her the second shoe, telling the caller I'd call back later. Once I got my shoes on I was able to step in and take the door out of her hands. She began picking up broken shards of glass as I began picking up the bottles and jars. There were quite a few of them, as you can imagine from what you have in your own refrigerator door.

I immediately called my sister Diane to see if her handyman could come help me figure out how to get the door back on. He was actually still there and came right away. Elizabeth and I had time to finish mopping up and clearing the floor before he arrived. I had put the door on its top swivel and seated it on the metal shank from which the base pivots out, but it was simply shut, not attached to conserve the coolness inside.

When Asghar got here, I took the door back off, flipped it over, showed him the parts that I had recovered from the crash site, and together, we put the door back on properly in about one minute flat. Amazing. Simply amazing.

The only bottle that broke - and since gravity is still on they ALL hit my tile floor - was my bottle of wine. What a blessing, but what a smelly mess! It took me a while to wash the wine off of everything. In the collection of stuff in my door were three old cans of biscuits that were certainly past their prime. As I was rinsing one bottle off, one of those cans of biscuits exploded upward into my face, hanging glops of goo off my forehead, shoulder, and, of course, splattering all over the newly cleaned jars and bottles. Again, my nerves were jangled (and that glass of wine was still waiting for me in the living room).

About five minutes after I had completed cleaning up the biscuit blast and drying the bottles to return to the fridge, a second can exploded - hitting the ceiling, ceiling fan, and splattering the stove, cabinets, and, of course, the newly cleaned and dried jars and bottles. I tossed that mess and the last container of biscuits into my lidded trash can where it couldn't do any more damage.

I recommend that you remember these words like you remember your mother's face: "GOT to love Mercury in Retrograde. Ain't it funny?!!!" They will come in handy during the next 6 weeks for you. Just so you know, Mercury in Retrograde doesn't actually begin this time until August 2 but its effects start 10-14 days beforehand. This will last through August 26 (plus 10-14 days afterwards). And this happens 3 to 4 times every year.

Elizabeth and I were sure glad we had each other as back-up to get ourselves through our MR rock and roll riot. After I returned that phone call, she popped supper in the oven to heat. As she turned to come back into the living room —*B*O*O*M!!!*— ...the last can of biscuits blew up and she ducked like someone under fire. We had a grand laugh at that right after she chastised me for not opening the last can before throwing it away.

MR - got to love it! But brace yourselves, we're in for a rocky ride this time. For more information about what you can expect, I recommend Susan Miller's website for simplicity and clarity. Visit her website at For specific explanations and dates on Mercury in Retrograde, go here.

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